Caring for My Chaos

My parent's 48th wedding anniversary. This is them at their prom. They were high school sweethearts. My mom said that she saw Dad while she was walking through town and told her friend that she was going to marry him. I miss them both very much. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

That it's been a year since my Dad passed away. It does not seem that long. But, it has. So many times over the past year I have had to remind myself I can't call him. I didn't realize how much I talked to him and how much I needed his advice and guidance. My poor brothers have had to be substitutions for him. I love them dearly, but they aren't the same. I miss my dad. Dearly. I take comfort in the fact that him and mom are together again and are watching down on us.

There are certain times when the grief that you carry weighs heavier than others. Today is one of those days. This is the day I lost my mother 21 years ago to breast cancer. I believe that I had finally almost reached the point of acceptance in my struggle with grief, but had to take a few steps back last year when I lost Dad. This year is especially poignant because of that. Next month will be the one year anniversary of the day we lost him. She was an amazing woman who was very devoted to her family. Family was her life. She was a devoted wife and mother and that came first to her. She loved to laugh and I got my sarcasm from her along with my love of crochet. She also had a temper to match the red hair, which I think all us kids got too! (The temper that is!) A day doesn't go by that I don't think about her and Dad. I take comfort in the fact that they are together again. That thought alone always makes me feel better.

This time of year, even with the happy times of Izzie's birthday and our anniversary, is a bad time for me. It was bad before, but after last year, it's terrible.